Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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