Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
