forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im holly from the hills drunk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
