We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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