it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
