I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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