Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
