thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We have started to decorate penises.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
