Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
