just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
