I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
