I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
