I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I believe in your delicious
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