Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
