Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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