He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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