I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
