we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
