you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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