All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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