could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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