best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
