The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
