I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
