now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
