just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
