Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
