I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
