3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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