i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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