He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
