I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
