You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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