Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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