a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
