Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
