Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
