she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
