with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just had sex on a roof
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
