1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
