you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
