watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
