Will you blow on my dice?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
