Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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