OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
