I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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