Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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