I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
