The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
