don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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