this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
