Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
