Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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