If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
