Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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