why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
